Who’s your boss

I’m working on a segment about toxic bosses for the CBS Early Show on Saturday. Considering how many of you write to me about your jackass of a boss, I figure this little crib sheet may be of help.

Frat/Jokester Boss: This is the boss who makes jokes at your expense and/or puts you down with a joke.

Solution: The jokester boss is an interesting breed in that he likes to give it out but not take it.  The best way to put a stop to this behavior is to give it right back (it’s a joke after all, right?) He’s likely to find an easier, more compliant target.

Best Friend Boss: This is the boss who shares way too much about her life and expects you to show up at her house for dinner once a week.

Solution: This is a tough one because she’s so emotionally attached to you.   You have to wean her off by slowly not being available one week and then the week after, until she’s found a replacement (hopefully out of the office).

Non-paying Boss: This is the boss who thinks you’re well-paid at 50% less than the national average for your industry.

Solution: In this case you have to present your efforts around her bottom line – how much money you’re making for her– so that she can clearly see what it’s going to cost her if you walk away.  I’d also get your feelers out there and start looking for a new job.

Passive-Aggressive Boss: This is the boss who doesn’t actually confront you if you’ve disappointed or underperformed for her, but instead punishes you with the silent treatment and excludes you from important meetings.

Solution: This boss is afraid of confrontation so the best way to handle her is to, you guessed it, confront her. Nicely of course. Start with “Is there something I could have done differently?” and then watch her squirm.

Non-existent Boss: This is the boss who is never around (usually on the golf course or salon) to give support, constructive criticism or direction and leaves everyone floundering.

Solution: Either take up golf or get ready to communicate via technology.   Create urgent or result-sounding emails that will get his attention and wait for a response.

Mind Reading Boss: This is the boss who gives you a one word explanation of what he needs and expects you to come back with exactly what’s in the depths of his mind to perfection.

Solution: You have to take the lead on this one with your boss.   The best way to get inside his head is to ask for an example– this will give you a standard and a starting point.  This is also very important:  two thirds of the way there, bring it to him and show him where you are in case you’re way off track.  It may piss him off, but it’s better than wasting hours of your time (both for you and for him).

Name-calling Boss: This is the boss who tells you his five-year-old could have done a better job than you.

Solution: This is a classic bullying move and honestly you either have to call him out, decide not to take it personally (although, if he’s only directing it toward you, chances are it’s personal), or move on.

Over-the-shoulder Boss: This is the boss who micro-manages you: looks at the clock when you come in and leave and actually dictates your emails for you.

Solution: Your best bet with this boss is to build some trust in the hopes of her backing off.   Over-perform and she’ll realize you don’t need to be babysat.

I was in a cab the other day and the driver asked me, “What is the secret to making money?”   I told him if I were an expert I’d have a driver racing me around town in a Bentley. Then without any real reflection I blurted out: ‘Doing what no one else wants to.’  It was only later in the day that I actually thought about what I said—and more aptly what I meant— and I guess it’s true: real money comes from doing what’s hard, what no one else wants to do and this actually applies to anything that is really worth having.

By virtue of my profession I hear a lot of people complain—about their jobs, their fat ass, their thoughtless jerk of a boyfriend – and really, the only thing between them and someone who has the job, ass and relationship of their dreams is the work that it takes to get there.  I know people with real money and the ones that aren’t stealing it from others are up before the crack of dawn, making the call they would rather not, having the hard conversation, risking rejection, saying the thing no one else is willing. In short, they’re being vulnerable by living their passion (and yes, that’s hard).    Money isn’t everything, but testing your limits and living your potential is (and if the byproduct is a closet full of shoes…so be it).   What can you do today that no one else is willing to?

I just had the most fascinating conversation with a good friend that I simply have to share.   My friend, let’s call him Tom, was recently with a small group of friends and the Dalai Lama (I know, crazy. And yes, Richard Gere was there).  One of the Dalai’s suggestions to the group was to be bold.  A lover of the word ‘bold,’ I asked Tom to explain what that meant in the context of the conversation.  He pulled out his Blackberry where he had made a list. To take risk:

• Use fear to motivate action.
• Practice a state of mindfulness.
• Don’t make excuses. (Not sure if this was the Dalai’s list or Tom’s.)

While he talked about the excuses he makes to others, I thought of the excuses I make to myself.  In particular, my current favorite go-to: “I don’t have time.”  I use this excuse when thinking about everything from taking a run to having a baby. And while, sure, I have to go to the office at some point today, and yes, my biological clock is ticking, the greater truth is that I DO have time.  I have THIS moment and, more than that, I have 24 hours in a day. And I decide what I’m going to do with them.

We can use our internal excuses to keep ourselves stuck (I don’t have enough talent, there’s not enough money in the bank, when I lose the 10 pounds, I’m too tired, etc.). Or we can make a conscious decision to stop.  It’s worth thinking about.

What’s your excuse?

Not a whole lot I want to emulate in Bethenny Frankel’s life… except, maybe…this:

Three weeks after giving birth… Really??

My new job… Try on, wear and then show all of you the fantastic clothes coming out from the The Limited!  In the next couple of weeks I’ll have a full-fledged announcement to make regarding our new partnership, but in the mean time, wanted to give you little taste of what I’ve been up to in Columbus, OH.

Surprised Kimmy on Sunday with tickets to Chelsea Handler at Radio City Music Hall for her birthday.   Put my book tour to shame – she’s hysterical (my abs hurt from laughing so hard after her telling the story of rubbing herself raw upon discovering masturbation) and has her own life-sized cut-out for crazy fans (and there were thousands of them) to pose next to.

It’s the lighting that’s making us look like shit…really.

Now that's some signage.

Imagine this scenario: toiling over your computer (or typewriter), trying to find the right words to express the right points in the right tone, in order to complete the project of your lifetime… the one you’re certain will bring you the ultimate sense of achievement and happiness.

I can imagine it pretty perfectly, actually. For this reason, and of course because it was directed by my friend and amazing director/writer/producer, Brooks Branch, I’m thrilled about the arrival of the new movie Multiple Sarcasms, in theaters today. The charming film features Academy Award winner, Timothy Hutton, as a New York architect circa 1979, who, on the surface, has it all, but is plagued by sadness. In an attempt to thwart his mid-life crisis, he becomes obsessed with writing a screenplay—and in the meantime, the rest of his life unravels.

The trailer wants to know, “Can you change your character?” I’d like to believe we can, but I guess we’ll have to watch to find out.

As you may have heard, we’re back on the road with The Limited and I couldn’t be more excited. What I wasn’t so excited about was when a woman came up to me while I was holding this baby in my arms and said, with utter sincerity, “You’re going to make a great grandmother.”

Obviously this was taken before the "compliment" or I would not be smiling.

Stopped by the offices of AOL to meet Erin Scottberg, Associate Editor, over at Lemondrop!   Love at first site: the office (high rise chic), the meeting room (which is actually called “the shower” after the curtains that keep you insulated from the flurry of activity in the halls), and then Erin herself, who is the epitome of this site that in their own words is… sweet, tasty and tart!

It’s a perfect mix of beauty, celebrity and how-to in a voice that one of my team has deemed “edgy but not vulgar” (which is my new goal for any and all future conversations).   We stopped by to talk dating-turned-career, try on some makeup and figure out the ins and outs of getting your resume to stand out.  How much better does it get?

Such fun!

Writing with your eyes closed... Definitely something to include on your resume

Ready for tonight!

So the real reason I was in San Francisco last week getting the shit scared out of my by the tree man was to speak at the International Administration of Professionals in Silicon Valley.  I was invited by Joanne Linden whom I met, along with her writing partner Linda McFarland, at our Limited event in San Jose this past November.   Loved her instantly for two reasons:

A) She had in her hot little hand a copy of her new book cover that was inspired by Girl on Top (obviously she has great taste .

B) She is an Executive Assistant. And I LOVE EAs.

Anyone who doesn’t believe that the person sitting in front of the CEO’s desk doesn’t hold the keys to the kingdom is sadly mistaken.  Two of the most important women in my life, Rox Zurbuchen and Jennifer Bedell, are both EA’s and have had the power to save my ass (and soothe my heart) on more than one occasion.

Executive Assistant Day has just passed, and if you forgot to buy any and every EA you know a gift, pick up Joanne and Linda’s book Sitting on a File Cabinet, Naked, With a Gun.

Sitting on a File Cabinet, Naked, With a Gun